Uno.

Single hood is one which I can resemble to as one hell of a roller coaster ride. It is usually a fast paced lifestyle. The ups and downs are experienced but never stayed on for even just a fraction of a second. The twists and turns are negligible. The excitement and adrenaline, undeniably enjoyable.

But still, even as I describe this as such, there are going to be times wherein you will feel a certain lag. Probably the time where you have to fall in line again, just to be able to experience the ride of life once more. People may admit it or not, but once you step into this phase, melancholy and a pint of jealousy, when seeing those in love, start to creep in. The want, or probably even the feeling of it becoming a need, to get back on the ride would probably be a daily yearning. But I tell you this, STOP. Just stop and think. Put everything on hold and focus on what has become of you. Realize that what you are doing is a rather faint solution to the problem of your past. The roller coaster is a cycle, don’t fall into a routine and forever lose yourself. Disillusioning ones self by means of engaging into various activities, as a way of telling yourself that everything is fine, is just an act of running away from all that has hurt you. The past, merely just a memory to itself, has already done so much damage to your being. By running away from it, the more it grows on you, giving it as sense of triumph over you. Stand up and fight! Don’t let yourself get beaten up by something intangible with no capacity to think on its own. The past and the emotion are a deadly combination, that’s true, but these things you would have to face and accept to get it over with. You cannot force yourself to get over something very fresh within you, something that is still in your system, something very real. Sadness, depression, misery, all a reality that come our way which we have to welcome as a step in reaching freedom from the binding past. Wallowing yourself with gloom and not having the will to get back at all is a completely different thing. Emotions cannot be given a deadline, true, but changing your perception is another. The will to get back and start again is truly the greatest choice we make everyday. Drawing the line between showing how hurt you are for the purpose of releasing what’s inside (or simply being true to yourself) and starting to view misery more a lifestyle than just a face in your life, is what we ought to discern. The measure of a strong person is one who can stand up to whatever has hurt him and face the challenges that may come his way and not merely a show of strength by ignorance of the problem.

Enjoying the roller coaster ride to escape the reality in your life.
Enjoying the roller coaster ride as the reality in your life.
Two complete different things,
But still, the same roller coaster ride.

"Bengganza, lagablab ng damdamin"

After seeing the flyers, I think it’s about time I air my thoughts on the El Filibusterismo Festival. Just to give you a bit of a background, especially for those who aren’t from my school, each class was tasked to make a play on revenge in relevance to the book of Jose Rizal’s El Filibusterismo to be presented as the “final blow” before we finally leave our alma mater. I was tasked to be the director of a play, which, at first, was really disappointing for me because I wanted to, for a change, be on stage, rather than be the person to put it all together. As if I had a choice to say no, if the teacher assigned you to play that part, you had to accept it without any objections (but if I had the chance to vito his decision, I would have passed it on right away). The other reason, which I was really worried about, was that there were certain people in my class who really have strong and clashing personalities. I wanted to leave the school without having to hold grudges against anyone. Being the captain of the ship in a class where all wanted to do it their way was like throwing yourself in a pit full of hungry alligators, ready to tear you to pieces… At first, I really tried my best to keep everyone in harmony (my rule was, no shouting unless it was called for) but that didn’t last very long for the assistant director. Conflicts between people who played vital roles in the play was heating up. People wanted to change the script, people wanted to do this, do that. I hated it. All meant well but people should have spoken up earlier. It was also really hard to get it fixed because everyone started taking sides. All of a sudden all the plans became tentative. At least the problem was resolved just in time for us to start working.


When I was younger, I would always shout and would always have my temper to it’s maximum in leading things like these. I mean, I would get things done in an instant, but then again, no one would step up against me. I was the boss and in a way, it was a lot better than having everyone wanting your position, which was happening during the senior year. I’ve learned (and I guess, I’ve matured) that shouting isn’t the solution to everything. You are talking to people and people have emotions. What’s the point of shouting at them all the time if what’s going to come out of your mouth won’t be any different if you say it in a nice manner? Another thing, people under you need to get the inspiration from you. If you shout at them, obviously, their esteem would drop and they would not have the enthusiasm to do their work.


Lets face it, the assistant director overshadowed me so much that there came a point that my teacher talked to me about it. I explained to my teacher and good enough, he took my points pretty well. My assistant director had a very, very strong character. He always had his temper to the maximum when dealing with people and he was very bad at taking suggestions, if he envisioned something, it’s hard for him to heed to other suggestions. His personality was very hard to control. I mean if I willed it, I would have told him to shut up or I would have argued with him and raised my voice every time he’d start at me. He told me that I was too nice and that I should start becoming strict, but studying the attitude of my class, when things are needed to be done seriously, they would follow, that’s if you’ve earned their respect. One more thing, I was hard to become strict with them and become a dictator if the assistant director was already doing that. I know he means good and that he wanted the best for the play, but he should have realized that there was also a time for him to heed to other suggestions, specially heed to mine at times. I don’t stoop to the level of having to shout at each other and the voice, which is louder, wins the argument. I reiterate, things can be done in a civilized way but having the same outcome. Don’t get me wrong though, shouting is not a bad thing when called for. When the noise is too much to control or when things aren’t done after several times of repeating yourself, feel free to do so. But in some cases, we all aren’t perfect after all, we lose our temper at times where it isn’t called for, then we must have the decency to apologize afterwards.
One thing I have learned throughout the whole experience; lead the people to the best of your ability, serve them with all you’ve got, but if you are faced with some, really hard to take hold of, don’t let them get in the way, but if they strike to the extent of affecting your leadership or even try to take hold of you, don’t hesitate to give tem a piece of your mind or even pick a fight with them, if you must.

Ria– thanks for taking charge of everything under your jurisdiction, I didn’t have to worry much about the props and the set. I trusted you so much. I marveled at your leadership especially when you had to stand up to Mack to keep quiet because he was already doing your job.

Chloe–thanks for being very diplomatic even to the extent of accepting the other script. I have so much respect for you. You truly are a leader. I salute you.

Joyce, Vicky, Bianca, Anna R., Maigi, Alexa, Egay, Neil, Melo,-thanks for investing so much time into what we were doing. Thank you for trusting me as your director. Thanks for believing.

Pauey – I know, during those days, you had your own problems,but still you did a great job! Thanks for your professionalism my ka-party… haha!

Anna O.–I know that you got pissed at me during the play… Misunderstandings on some matters led to holding grudges... but at the end of the day… sides were explained and at least things looked a lot better. Thanks for helping Ria with her job. Without you, things would have been a lot harder.

Mack- thanks for still deciding to stay on, especially after your verbal quarrel with some of our classmates. Despite our indifferences, it was very hard to work alone. Thanks for the reminders you gave me, that was all well taken. Thank you for not taking the squabbles too personal, it is all part of the game, a mark of a true professional.

To the rest of Sr. D–each one of you contributed to this… Be proud of it. Thank you for your trust.

My handwriting and I...

Writing isn’t such a bad thing to do. You’re able to express your thoughts and feelings with just a pen and paper… but when you have a handwriting as beautiful as mine.. You might just consider jotting things down through means of technology, known to us as a computer.. hehe!

A lot of my teachers complain about my hand writing.. one teacher even told my mom that my grades got lower because they couldn't understand my handwriting. In Christian Living, after the test papers are given to us, I would always make sure that I read my essay to my teacher because I figured that she couldn’t understand three fourths of what I had written (true enough, I’d get 2-3 more points after reading it to her. Wahoo!). Just to show you how my teachers disliked my writing… I’ve scanned these various comments made my some of my 4th year teachers...



I guess it sucked to be my English teacher...

...when it came to reading essays! Haha! Poor them..


...they had to deal with that...


...hey, at least I follow instructions...hehe!

(It is all about sovereignty. True. History is reflected with stories of dethroning their own leaders. Good point. PLS. WRITE LEGEBLY NEXT TIME. Or at least leave some space for comments. )

I was tasked to write a paper for the debate club, particularly on how I saw the Iraq war. I was very pleased to read my moderator’s reaction on my paper. He agreed on how I was the war and how everything came about but still he took notice of my stupid hand writing... o well... life goes on, I guess...

Well.. same goes for my Filipino theme paper.My teacher absolutely hated my handwriting.

Oh.. in my math quizzes…this was how my “before-neat-test paper” turns out after a grueling exam in math … It seems like one of those mathematician’s quest to solve for the most challenging and complex equations… But I definately am no Einstein... :)

But at the end of the day… I should still be thankful that God has given me the ability to write…so every time someone comments on my handwriting, I just tell myself that there must be someone who writes worse than I do (probably a doctor.. there must be someone!!!) plus.. I know of someone who practically has the same handwriting as I do… At least I’m not alone :)

THANKS:

TO ALL MY SEATMATES - thank you so much for bearing with my "unique" handwriting. Thank you for having the patience to check my work... but most of all.. thank you for just putting a check mark when you can no longer decifer what I wrote (that's usually how I pass... hehe)