Mouse.Hole.Perspective

Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.I am mikki. Mikki i am.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

3 years have gone by…I tried getting you back, but it was too late. I tried because I wanted to make up for the times I lacked in showing you that I really loved you. I tried because I wanted to show you that I wasn’t ready to let go of you. I wanted to show you that I was willing to risk everything to get you back. I wanted to prove to you that my intentions were true… but it was too late. I was always honest with you, even to the point of hurting you. I’m sorry. I was ignorant of the fact that jealousy is also a gesture of one’s love for the person. I was scared to lose you, but yet, I let you go just like that. I didn’t fight for you. I’m sorry. I realized this all too late. Still, I want you to know that I really did love you and did trust you with all that was in me. If I could just turn back the time, I would do things differently. You have been the biggest hang up of my life.

I had my girlfriend. We had our own world. She was all I imagined to be.




You fought FOR me and WITH me. You were always jealous every time I’d have a girl... You’d always make me your priority...We’d fight for this friendship even though people would think that It was no longer right. I was so lucky to have you in my life… You told me that you didn’t deserve me, that I was your anchor… But truly, It was you whom I didn’t deserve, I was you whom I held on to. Now that things are different, I finally let you go, I let you go because it was going to be unfair for the guy you love. I don’t know if that was a wrong decision, but all I know is that you’re already happy with him and that’s all that matters. It is really hard to balance both your best friend and your boyfriend. I wouldn’t give you up just like that, but seeing someone who does a great job in making you happy, that’s good enough for me. I don’t want to see what happened to my past happen to you. Just remember that I’m still here. Thank you so much for believing in me. At one point, thank you for making me your priority.

I had my girl best friend, my soul mate. She was everything that a guy could want as a best friend.



It’s been so long since I have talked, TALKED to you. So many things happened. Looks like you’ve changed. As for me, no… I’m still the same. The past still haunts me, man. I might have said unpleasant things, things that might have offended you… but those things were just said at a time where I felt like you betrayed me. Fuck man, I treated you like a REAL brother. Why did you have to do that? Why her? There came a point wherein you even told her not to talk to me but in the end, you just dropped her. What was that all about? If there’s one thing, I can’t stand up for myself. I don’t know how to pick a fight with someone who’s really close to me. I tried, but I just couldn’t be angry with you. I know I was also to blame, probably ‘coz I didn’t show her that I did really cared for her… but as a best friend, you should have stopped yourself. Bro, but despite all that, you were one of the greatest friends I have come to know. I will never forget the memories man. Honestly, never found a best friend that came close to this friendship. All the hatred I felt against you have gone.

I had my guy best friend. I valued that friendship so much, trusted him with my life.



You know I’m a weakling. If I had to call anyone to get me out of deep shit, it would be you. I knew that you would come to the rescue. Every time you were there, I felt that nothing could harm me. You became my security blanket. I drew strength from you man. But then, things changed… I opted to go with her instead of you guys. I know that it was a deliberate choice on my part and there were times when I would then regret it. Man, it was really hard to imagine that every time you guys would hang out, I wasn’t in the picture anymore. I guess others took my place, eventually. Sorry for the times where in I didn’t make myself available. Sorry for the times when I’d go home really early, or arrive really late. Sorry for the times where in I wasn’t there for you, to listen to you. After realizing this, I tried to fix it but there came a point wherein I felt left out between you guys, I couldn’t relate with the stories and the circle of friends you have formed. The gap was already too big to just jump right in. But when you left man, even though we weren’t that close anymore, it made me realize how much I should have valued the friendship, how much I needed a big brother. You mean so much.


I had my kuya. I felt that nothing could harm me, knowing that I had a big brother who was always there. He took good care of me.




We were best friends before, but since we realized that friendships were still a bit too temporary, we changed from best friends to brothers. We have proven that people need not to be blood related to become brothers. Bro, we have gone through so much man. You got me into trouble so many times… I’d cover for you so many times… I’d fight with you so many times… We’d have the same girls… we’d get into trouble so many times… You betrayed me so many times!!!!…but still, we surpassed all that. We’ve seen each other at our highs and our lows. We’d have big fights as if we were together... You even made me choose between you or my “soulmate”!!! You would tell me things I didn’t want to hear, but we both knew that I had to. Yes, I admit, I almost let you go man, I almost replaced you. But man, thank you so much for not giving up. You are the meano-est, most abusive person I know. You are an asshole, but nevertheless, I love you, my brother. But you, too, left me here. I realized how much it sucks not having someone to bug you almost everyday. I realized how much brothers should really value each other. I realized how much I need an everyday friend.


I had my little brother. He was my shadow.


LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe.

7 Comments:

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10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mikki, trust me...no matter what happens, you'll NEVER be alone as long as i'm alive...i'll always be here for you...i'm just a text away, brada.

-chevy

2:32 AM  
Blogger Redmaryjane said...

Well, shit, love.

As a friend, I'm sorry I wasn't there to see you through all that when we well would have.

Seriously, love. You need to be a kid again.

See you Saturday.

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there is no such thing as a "had" relationship. the truth of the matter is that relationships do not end. on the surface, it seems as if it ends but that is only the physical aspect of it, that was the smallest aspect of it. Relationships do not end not even in death, as the memories reside with in your mind they flash and flutter about like a buttlefly living its life. smearing coulors of its wings as it flapps, you will remember that flapps are quick and soon are not seen but the flash of its grandeur. i know it seems as if i am already talking too much that im not making sense. and its funny how all i want to say was that no matter what newer circles of friends he and i jumped into or formed, we always kept a seat open for you, we always made sure there was more then enough thinking of you, waiting for you to come no matter if you were late or early. the point was that you were there. ask him, he and i would always talk and converse and wonder, where you were, wondering if you were ok, if you were happy, wondering if you knew that no matter what happened, we had an open seat for you and he and i were more then ready to share our stories even if you felt out of place because you know what dude, after we would share our stories with you, we'd listen to your stories, stories where he and i were not there and all three of us would share in each others out of placeness and once again rekindle our connection. if you only knew how much he and i missed you. you were the middle brother. it always seemed as if there was something missing. i mean, fine, he and i talk, he and i tried to replace you but no matter who tried to take your rightful seat, he and i wouldnt give it to them. we would always keep that special seat between him and me open and free only in the hopes that one day you'd comeback to reform our trio of mischief, of philosophical talk, of true listeing, of real living, of friendship, of brothers... and we still wait for you, even if he and i are away from our shared home, even if im on one side of the continent and he is on the other side while you are there at home, if you only knew how much he and i anticipate our home-comming and once more sharing our untold stories at our home (starbucks atc) sitting upon those green chairs and tables, with amber falling upon us from the light above, with the green and white glow comming from inside, the warm air, the winston lgihts, the echoing laughter and and i wait, until us three brothers are together.

2:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

carissa anna gab

6:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

=(

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

grabe .. two years ago pa to! yeah.. sad.

11:53 PM  

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