Mouse.Hole.Perspective

i miss IT.

2007-04-06T17:29:00.000+08:00

I’m at loss for words. I haven’t touched on this feeling for quite a while... or any feeling for that matter. Keeping myself really preoccupied with things to shrug off what I really feel. I’ve already lost track of how long I’ve been doing this. A year? 2 years? 3 years?

Why?

I’m tired of feeling.
Im tired of getting hurt.
Im tired of hoping.
I’m tired of believing.

Why?

Because I just wanted things back to how they were…

The way people would perfectly fit into each others schedules;
The way we’d get phone calls at 2 a.m. and have endless meaningful (and –less) conversations;
The way people would feel time has deliberately suspended itself to their advantage;
The way the world seemed a lot smaller to everyone;
The way everyone rode that emotional rollercoaster all together;
The way there was so much love and hatred;
The way there was so much jealousy and trust;
The way there was so much backstabbing and loyalty;
The way our lives would intertwine with one another.
The way everything meant so much or that it even meant the world to you.

If things were back to how they were, I wouldn’t mind feeling again.

But that won’t happen anymore.

I just really miss it..

the OC and growing up in the south.. what do they have in common? -- GO figure.

2006-12-30T13:29:00.000+08:00

I’ll keep it plain and simple:

If you keep on complaining about the government…
If you do nothing but blame the current administration for all the mishaps of the country
It’s about time you put words into action…

GO REGISTER AND VOTE!
Let your voice be heard.

If you don’t have a sense of social responisiblilty, then just shut up and deal with the outcome.
It's a matter of initiative and responsibility.

2006-12-28T19:27:00.000+08:00

I’m tired…
I’m tired of being your FALLBACK.
I really am.
I’ve ALWAYS been there for you.
I would fly to the moon and back if need be.
I hope you feel the same…
I don’t feel that you have the same sentiment anymore.
-----------
I’m hurt...
One fucking night changed everything.
Why did IT have to happen?
I tried my best to resist.
But now I LOVE YOU, I really do.
It would be insane to, but I do.
Society won’t approve of it,
But that’s how I feel for you.
I don’t know if I should fight for it…
-----------
I’m pissed…
You think I’m not over you…
Its been so long!
Being friends and wanting someone back are two different things.
Grow up if that’s what you still think.
-----------
I’m puzzled…
Why do you feel so strongly about me hanging out with her?
I will not do anything to jeopardize our friendship.
Its like you don’t trust the friendship we have.
Just waiting for you to talk to me about it.
I am just here for you.
-----------
I’m thankful…
I have found a new friend in you.
I haven’t told you but your being here for me has saved me
Thanks again.
------------

The State of OUR Nation.

2006-07-26T19:19:00.000+08:00

July 25, 2006– a day filled with promises; a serenade coming from her Excellency. She paints an imagery of an ideal Philippines as she envisions it to be. While giving her fellowmen a glimpse of what has yet to come, she fronts that of a strong republic, stable and unshakable.

Are we truly what we can call a strong republic? Does the state of our country truly agree with what was mentioned at the Batasang Pambansa? How will she fund all the projects she has set out to do for the remainder of her term? As Mrs. Arroyo addresses the nation, her critics, as well as some members of the business sector, have come up with these queries as a result of their skepticism. Her enthusiasts, on the other hand, soothed the presidents ears with applaud, resonating within the complex. So many views, so many reactions, but at the same time, so much to do for the progress of our country. Our president gave all the social classes what they wanted to hear. For the landed gentry (as well as the administration politicians), she gave them an overwhelming list of her future endeavors for the betterment of the country. As a result, the upper classmen wouldn’t think twice of supporting her projects and forget about the political insurgence hurled against her. The president needs their support. The question is, would they go fall for this? The middle class was given such a treat! Parts of this were the never-ending reiteration of additional employment and the development of our provinces to generate income for our country. Mrs. Arroyo needs to lure the middle class, for the silent majority lies within this social class. A large movement against her coming from the silent majority could bring about a major threat to her seat of power. Thing is, would they go for it? Lastly, the SONA also catered to the lower class. A part of the president’s address was to enumerate those that have given great pride and honor to the country. They were given an image of the Philippines as one that achieves in the international arena. It would make the masa feel a sense of nationalism and that of great accomplishment, as she would probably want them to feel. But would they go for it as well?

My thoughts are simple. There are strong points the president brought up, as well as points where it was obvious that she was trying to cover some things up. The president wouldn’t utter so much about her future projects, if her cabinet, which includes her financial advisor, did not back these up. I am quite confident that all these projects were thoroughly studied and given the go signal by her constituents. The president isn’t stupid to say such things just for the sake of the crowd’s applause. She knows for a fact that all the promises she made were recorded and will be checked from time to time. The 2% increase in our taxes (from 10% to 12%), as the undersecretary of finance said, is already sufficient to make these projects happen and there is no need to increase the taxes once again. There was a comment made by one of the opposition congressmen on how low the percentage drop in terms of unemployment rate, fiscal deficit rate, etc. as the president was talking about in her SONA. Sadly, the congressman has already been blinded by his own predisposition to get PGMA out of office. A drop from a sixty plus to a forty plus percentage is already a notable improvement in terms of unemployment. Looking at it in a macro perspective, this is already a big change. Progress is on its way, according to PGMA’s SONA. One of the two opposition senators who were present during the SONA said that GMA didn’t report on the TRUE state of the Philippines. According to her, she didn’t mention the political killings, the increasing prices of all the good and services, etc. which is what the country is facing right now. True. The President was too focused on the future (which is good in a way), but forgot, or maybe “intentionally” forgot, the pressing matters of the country today. I would have given her more credit if she confronted the negative issues head on, or at least literally pointed out each of her project proposals as concrete solutions for today’s problems (if that’s what she was trying to do). We do not live in a perfect world; I would have understood it if she also brought up the things that make our country “imperfect”. She didn’t want to talk about political issues. Fine. But when citizen’s lives and their freedom are already at stake, it goes beyond that. She should have said something about it and not just ignored such controversial issues. Her speech was very direct and specific, but the specifics only talked about what she would do in the future. What about situations that need solutions NOW? (But as I commented earlier, unless those were already the solutions she gave for today’s issues)

The majority complain of how hard life is, but this isn’t a problem secluded only in our society, it is happening globally. You see, we cannot be dependent on the president for our specific needs. In any organization, the head may have the best plans lined up for his people, but if the body doesn’t have enough sense to take the initiative to participate, no progress will take place.

It is still up YOU, not HER.

2005-12-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

It seems so paradisiacal,
When we're together, it's magical,
The hours are counting down,
Down to our dusk,
Green fire blazing within us.

The aura never to be broken down,
We face the storm of this vast abyss,
Shine on us with this light of gold,
We head out breaking them down.

chorus:
Green, Gold, and White
We hold our head up high
Green, Gold, and White
Together we will make through
No matter what you put us through
to stand the test of time
Hail hail hail hail

It's time for us to say goodbye,
But our journey has just begun
All we've learned will pull us through
For everything we just wanna thank you.

chorus
(instrumental)
chorus

Hail hail hail hail
Hail to our alma mater

Words

2005-12-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

Fartoty!

My friends were playing scrabble in tagaytay, then all of a sudden, one of the letter rests formed the word fartoty (Take note: they were trying to fill the whole bored with letters… so all their brains were kind of whacked that night). So when they caught that on cam, they didn’t stop laughing. I can’t give you a blow-by-blow account of what happened because I wasn’t there at that time. Fine, I have something to admit, my friend, whom I was helping, and I, opted to leave the game and play cards instead! (REASON: As were about to put this word, AQUEAOUS, with hopes of getting back in the game, our competitor took the spot we were eyeing!!!! But see, the word meant so much points!!! It was really hard to let go! So we lost big time and became sore losers! Hehe! )

It’s over!
My friend introduced this phrase to the whole cast of the play that I was in. I was with her for one whole day… from 8 in the morning till 11 in the evening! SHEESH!! I ended up saying it for a whole week! It was funny how everyone just grew into it! There’s even variation, you can also say “It’s over for you!”

Chris: I am not gonna say that.
Chirs: (after sometime, he sits beside Pam, the pioneer of it all, and says) Its over.

Niki: What’s this with “It’s over”?
Pam: Haynako… inggit ka lang! Make your own expression nga!

Memz Lolz

In Cebu, my friend brought up the topic about yearbook writeups having MEMZ and LOLZ in it. Memz.. short for MEMORIES (Ex. Cebu memz, Canteen memz, thanks for the memz, freshmen memz, etc..) and Lolz.. short for LAUGH OUT LOUD(usually, you’ll see this after “hehe” is written. ex. I remember the day you fell! hahaha! LOLZ!)

I Loooove it!
the girls in my batch started saying this… It became an overnight phenomenon! But there’s one person who says it the best way possible… Menggay!

(in the car one morning)
Mark: I lOOOve it!
Mikki: what the hell?!?!? Even you’re hooked on to it, man?
Mark: I lOOOOve it! E its so nakakahawa eh!
Mikki: Do you see Meng in school ba? Are you guys blockmates?
Mark: No. Its just that…. I LOOOOOve iT!
Mikki: Well… Yeah… hehehe …that’s true…nakakahawa nga! I LOOOOVe it!
Mark: I LOOOOVe it! Hehehehehe
Mikki: I LoOOOve it! hehe
Mark: I LOOOOVe it! Hehehehehe
Mikki: I LoOOOve it! hehe
Mark: I LOOOOVe it! Hehehehehe
Mikki: I LoOOOve it! hehe
Mark: I LOOOOVe it! Hehehehehe
Mikki: This is gay man.. hehehehe!
Mark: Yeah… hehe
Mikki: two guys in the car at 6 in the morning… saying … I LooooVE it!
Mark: yeah…hehehe! (pauses for a while) …. I looove it!
Mikki: I LOOOOVe it! …..heheehee

… didn’t stop…

AwoW!
I got this from my batch as well… I think. There are several ways of using this expression…
Awow #1: Awow! (in awe. Very amazed way)
Awow #2: awow! (Disgusted way)
Awow #3:Awow! (in a freaked out way)
Awow# 4:Awow! (in a laugh trip way)

Gasti! / Solid!

This one from my batch too... I think (also)… hehe! I just found out recently that gasti originated from the word Tigas. It’s actually the same word, just interchanged the syllable.. get it? [Gas - ti] = [ti - gas]… And the word solid.. I think it's a "south thing"... :D

Ulul? / Lul?

People say that having “Ulul” in your everyday conversation is a south thing… true enough, whenever I say “Ulul ka talaga” or “Ulul?” to my friends from the north, they get agitated and they tell me not to say that… hmmm.. It’s just an expression?! What’s wrong with that? Hmm..

Backrub..

When I was in my senior year, this came up. Basically, you ask someone to give you a “backrub” when the people you’re talking to doesn’t mind you. You ask for a “double back rub” when you have already repeated yourself, but still, no reply from your uh… supposed “listeners”. If the comes a time where in someone doesn’t even bother to give you a backrub, you’ll just give one to yourself and probably leave the conversation and say to yourself that they aint worth talking to! You’re probably just wasting your saliva. Haha! :D

Hasel! Meano! Tae ka!

I don’t know where I got this one from, but I just started using it.. Obviously, I say this to people who are mean! …hehe! It has one variation .. “you’re a meanorizer! ” ..and baduy.. solid! Haha!

Are you serious?!

I have to admit.. I say this a lot.. especially when I don’t really pay attention to the conversation or when I have nothing else to say to you! Hehe.. so now you know.. haha!

2005-10-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

3 years have gone by…I tried getting you back, but it was too late. I tried because I wanted to make up for the times I lacked in showing you that I really loved you. I tried because I wanted to show you that I wasn’t ready to let go of you. I wanted to show you that I was willing to risk everything to get you back. I wanted to prove to you that my intentions were true… but it was too late. I was always honest with you, even to the point of hurting you. I’m sorry. I was ignorant of the fact that jealousy is also a gesture of one’s love for the person. I was scared to lose you, but yet, I let you go just like that. I didn’t fight for you. I’m sorry. I realized this all too late. Still, I want you to know that I really did love you and did trust you with all that was in me. If I could just turn back the time, I would do things differently. You have been the biggest hang up of my life.

I had my girlfriend. We had our own world. She was all I imagined to be.

You fought FOR me and WITH me. You were always jealous every time I’d have a girl... You’d always make me your priority...We’d fight for this friendship even though people would think that It was no longer right. I was so lucky to have you in my life… You told me that you didn’t deserve me, that I was your anchor… But truly, It was you whom I didn’t deserve, I was you whom I held on to. Now that things are different, I finally let you go, I let you go because it was going to be unfair for the guy you love. I don’t know if that was a wrong decision, but all I know is that you’re already happy with him and that’s all that matters. It is really hard to balance both your best friend and your boyfriend. I wouldn’t give you up just like that, but seeing someone who does a great job in making you happy, that’s good enough for me. I don’t want to see what happened to my past happen to you. Just remember that I’m still here. Thank you so much for believing in me. At one point, thank you for making me your priority.

I had my girl best friend, my soul mate. She was everything that a guy could want as a best friend.

It’s been so long since I have talked, TALKED to you. So many things happened. Looks like you’ve changed. As for me, no… I’m still the same. The past still haunts me, man. I might have said unpleasant things, things that might have offended you… but those things were just said at a time where I felt like you betrayed me. Fuck man, I treated you like a REAL brother. Why did you have to do that? Why her? There came a point wherein you even told her not to talk to me but in the end, you just dropped her. What was that all about? If there’s one thing, I can’t stand up for myself. I don’t know how to pick a fight with someone who’s really close to me. I tried, but I just couldn’t be angry with you. I know I was also to blame, probably ‘coz I didn’t show her that I did really cared for her… but as a best friend, you should have stopped yourself. Bro, but despite all that, you were one of the greatest friends I have come to know. I will never forget the memories man. Honestly, never found a best friend that came close to this friendship. All the hatred I felt against you have gone.

I had my guy best friend. I valued that friendship so much, trusted him with my life.

You know I’m a weakling. If I had to call anyone to get me out of deep shit, it would be you. I knew that you would come to the rescue. Every time you were there, I felt that nothing could harm me. You became my security blanket. I drew strength from you man. But then, things changed… I opted to go with her instead of you guys. I know that it was a deliberate choice on my part and there were times when I would then regret it. Man, it was really hard to imagine that every time you guys would hang out, I wasn’t in the picture anymore. I guess others took my place, eventually. Sorry for the times where in I didn’t make myself available. Sorry for the times when I’d go home really early, or arrive really late. Sorry for the times where in I wasn’t there for you, to listen to you. After realizing this, I tried to fix it but there came a point wherein I felt left out between you guys, I couldn’t relate with the stories and the circle of friends you have formed. The gap was already too big to just jump right in. But when you left man, even though we weren’t that close anymore, it made me realize how much I should have valued the friendship, how much I needed a big brother. You mean so much.

I had my kuya. I felt that nothing could harm me, knowing that I had a big brother who was always there. He took good care of me.

We were best friends before, but since we realized that friendships were still a bit too temporary, we changed from best friends to brothers. We have proven that people need not to be blood related to become brothers. Bro, we have gone through so much man. You got me into trouble so many times… I’d cover for you so many times… I’d fight with you so many times… We’d have the same girls… we’d get into trouble so many times… You betrayed me so many times!!!!…but still, we surpassed all that. We’ve seen each other at our highs and our lows. We’d have big fights as if we were together... You even made me choose between you or my “soulmate”!!! You would tell me things I didn’t want to hear, but we both knew that I had to. Yes, I admit, I almost let you go man, I almost replaced you. But man, thank you so much for not giving up. You are the meano-est, most abusive person I know. You are an asshole, but nevertheless, I love you, my brother. But you, too, left me here. I realized how much it sucks not having someone to bug you almost everyday. I realized how much brothers should really value each other. I realized how much I need an everyday friend.

I had my little brother. He was my shadow.

LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe. LEFT ALONe.

Love is rare

2005-09-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

It is very easy to feel...
It is very easy to feel that you love...

Everything starts with infatuation. All relationships, no matter how long or how intimate, start with the misleading emotion of being infatuated with one another. As shocking as it may sound, the “honeymoon stage” is just a fragment of the whole relationship, if the two continue to pursue a lasting bond. Infatuation is to be unavoidable at the start, true. This expected feeling, however, might mislead one into thinking that he has finally come to a point of wholeheartedly accepting everything about each other, including that of the other’s weaknesses.

The “natural high” brought by the relationship would not be present all the time. Times wherein one would feel unresponsive and uninterested in their relation with one another is inevitable. This is when all that has been blinded by the craze, starts to become visible. The imperfections of the person become clearer, as the spark begins to die down. Having said this, the true identity of your relationship is then revealed.

…Has Infatuation played with both into thinking that what they are feeling is that of “true love”?

...When “natural low” starts to enter the relationship, is acceptance harder to attain than having to stay on and work with each other’s diffrences?

Or

…Has the relationship surpassed the surface of mere infatuation with one another?

…Has this all escalated into accepting everything, most especially the flaws that one possesses?

Yes, It is very easy to feel...
Yes, It is very easy to feel that you love...

But TO love means another...
It is the choice to accept the entire being of the other...
that is love.

that is rare to find.

The Alphabet according to Mikki.

2005-08-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

The closest I could get to write about myself. Enjoy!...

A- Age you got your first kiss?
Grade 4.. do the math.. hehe

B - Band I’m listening to right now:
Switchfoot

C - Crush:
Natalie Portman,
Liv Tyler,
Mandy Moore,
Jennifer Aniston..
the list just goes on and on!
and… =)

D - Dad's name:
Louis / Louie...

E - Easiest person to talk to:
hmmm... I don’t know… my best friend I guess.

F - Favorite music artist at the moment:
LOCAL: Bamboo (after watching them in my school, I became an instant fan)
FOREIGN: Fall Out Boy (well, my friends made me listen to it, cool band, goot hooked on to them ever since.. thy just don’t know…haha!)

G - Gummy worms or gummy bears?
BOTH! Actually, Gummy worms have around 3 to 4 flavors connected in on piece while gummy bears have only one taste per bear.. it work both ways.. it doesn’t matter… haha!

H - Hometown:
A full-fledged South dude

I - Instruments:
a “just for display” piano at home,
a 3 stringed guitar with countless scratches on the sides,
a “stringless” ukulele from Cebu,
and 2 recorders (belongs to the flute family, for those of you who aren’t familiar with it)

J - Junior High:
An archer school in alabang ..hehe!

K - Kids:
I’m 17! Well, my 3 year old sister, Ivi… probably the closest feeling to having a kid.

L - Longest car ride ever:
From CCP to Ilocos Norte.. wait… but that was a bus ride… hmmm.. Car? Probably one of those family outings to Baguio. It wasn’t exactly the distance that was killing me, it was the traffic that made us stay on the road for countless hours!

M - Mom's name:
Remedios – Very iShPANISHy.. just like mine!

N - Nicknames:
Mickey – to those who haven’t seen how my name is spelled

Boom boom, Peker, P*k p*k (go figure! Hehe!) - that’s what my best friend calls me

Mikki Crayyyzeee– some of my batchmates, well… this started when I snapped at my 6 footer friend.. 6’2 to be exact… I collared him and pushed him to the window of the classroom but everyone who saw it claimed that I was smiling and all of them just laughed at me... including the guy I was fighting with!

Mousy/ tito mousy– what my nieces and nephews would would call me ..

Butchukoy – what my older relatives would call me when I was still a kid.

Pavarotti - Since I used to be neighbors with my relatives, my tito Bob would always call me Pavarotti because he’d hear me sing every time he was about to take a nap !! Haha! Poor uncle!

Mikki and other shortened versions and variations of my nickname – to all my other firends

O - One wish:
To succeed and stay on top forever

P - Phobia[s]:
heights and people leaving me

Q - Quote:
”Gracious in defeat, Humble in victory”

R - Reason to smile:
I’ve finally moved on, thanks for making me see the light, zedecrem =)!

S - Song you last heard:
”I think im faaaaalling…. Baby I’m faling for you…” (I don’t know the title!)

T - Time you woke up[today]:
4:43pm… don’t ask

U - Unknown facts about yourself:
I hate house chores in general.
I want to join the amazing race.
I wanted to be a soccer player.

V - Vegetable(s) you hate:
AMPALAYA!!!

W - Worst habit(s):
I’m a crammer.
I tend to nag people.
I bite my nails.
I lie.

X - X-rays you've had:
None that I know of. No need for that, I’m a healthy kid!

Y - Yummy food:
The first thing that popped into my head was that big kick ass cake I ate in my friend’s despidida! The cake was from Conti’s and it had mango stuff in it…I don’t know what It’s called though…

Z - Zodiac sign:
Scorpio. Everyone says that people that fall under this sign have really strong personalities... hmmm… What you think?

Gloomy.

2005-08-03T03:52:00.000+08:00

Roughly 5 years ago… at around 6:30 in the morning… the boy’s yaya comes storming in his room to wake him up with these word… “mamamatay na ang kapatid mo… mamamatay na ang kapatid mo..” At first, he was telling her to get a hold of herself and to stop uttering such horrifying words. He was in disbelief. He told her to get out of his room and wanted to be left alone. He was trying his best to keep things at a normal, he tried dressing up for school, but his heart just kept hammering, harder and harder, faster and faster, as each second went by. The cruel reality he had to face as he entered the master’s bedroom. He first saw his mom. Her eyes, filled with grief and sorrow. The feeling of a mother seeing what came from her, go before her, must have been one of the most painful experiences she has gone through. His dad, though the boy could vaguely remember, seated on the other side of the bed, outlined with nothing more but that of a mournful aura. The boy’s other sister, though teary-eyed and sadness clearly inside her, was able to keep her composure… and him, the boy, the youngest of them all, aimlessly and pointlessly walking wherever his feet would take him around the house, remembering the last conversation he had with his ailing sister, just the night before she passed away…

Brother: "I love you so much..." (squeezing her tighly, with tears gushing out of his eyes)

Sister: "I love you too…"(written on a magic slate as she could no longer talk)

as well as portions of the conversation he made with her on his birthday….

Sister: (on the magic slate) Why are you crying? What’s wrong?

Brother: “Your going to get well, okay? Promise me, okay? That’s the best birthday gift anyone could give me. We’re going to fight this together, okay?”

(Tears just flowed down her eyes and a subdued smile was given to him as a reply. He hugged her and held her hand.)

August 3, 2005… at around 9 p.m.… while rehearsing for a play in school… I scanned through the whole theater, looking at the empty chairs, the lights, the people, I suddenly felt her. I felt her. I felt her looking down on me, watching me. I remembered my sister. I remembered how she used to love performing. I remembered how she used to act and sing. I remembered how she used to love the theater. I remembered the morning at the master’s bedroom. I remembered our last conversation hours before she passed away. I remembered the afternoon of my 11th birthday. I remembered her. I felt her.

Uno.

2005-07-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

Single hood is one which I can resemble to as one hell of a roller coaster ride. It is usually a fast paced lifestyle. The ups and downs are experienced but never stayed on for even just a fraction of a second. The twists and turns are negligible. The excitement and adrenaline, undeniably enjoyable.

But still, even as I describe this as such, there are going to be times wherein you will feel a certain lag. Probably the time where you have to fall in line again, just to be able to experience the ride of life once more. People may admit it or not, but once you step into this phase, melancholy and a pint of jealousy, when seeing those in love, start to creep in. The want, or probably even the feeling of it becoming a need, to get back on the ride would probably be a daily yearning. But I tell you this, STOP. Just stop and think. Put everything on hold and focus on what has become of you. Realize that what you are doing is a rather faint solution to the problem of your past. The roller coaster is a cycle, don’t fall into a routine and forever lose yourself. Disillusioning ones self by means of engaging into various activities, as a way of telling yourself that everything is fine, is just an act of running away from all that has hurt you. The past, merely just a memory to itself, has already done so much damage to your being. By running away from it, the more it grows on you, giving it as sense of triumph over you. Stand up and fight! Don’t let yourself get beaten up by something intangible with no capacity to think on its own. The past and the emotion are a deadly combination, that’s true, but these things you would have to face and accept to get it over with. You cannot force yourself to get over something very fresh within you, something that is still in your system, something very real. Sadness, depression, misery, all a reality that come our way which we have to welcome as a step in reaching freedom from the binding past. Wallowing yourself with gloom and not having the will to get back at all is a completely different thing. Emotions cannot be given a deadline, true, but changing your perception is another. The will to get back and start again is truly the greatest choice we make everyday. Drawing the line between showing how hurt you are for the purpose of releasing what’s inside (or simply being true to yourself) and starting to view misery more a lifestyle than just a face in your life, is what we ought to discern. The measure of a strong person is one who can stand up to whatever has hurt him and face the challenges that may come his way and not merely a show of strength by ignorance of the problem.

Enjoying the roller coaster ride to escape the reality in your life.
Enjoying the roller coaster ride as the reality in your life.
Two complete different things,
But still, the same roller coaster ride.

"Bengganza, lagablab ng damdamin"

2005-07-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

After seeing the flyers, I think it’s about time I air my thoughts on the El Filibusterismo Festival. Just to give you a bit of a background, especially for those who aren’t from my school, each class was tasked to make a play on revenge in relevance to the book of Jose Rizal’s El Filibusterismo to be presented as the “final blow” before we finally leave our alma mater. I was tasked to be the director of a play, which, at first, was really disappointing for me because I wanted to, for a change, be on stage, rather than be the person to put it all together. As if I had a choice to say no, if the teacher assigned you to play that part, you had to accept it without any objections (but if I had the chance to vito his decision, I would have passed it on right away). The other reason, which I was really worried about, was that there were certain people in my class who really have strong and clashing personalities. I wanted to leave the school without having to hold grudges against anyone. Being the captain of the ship in a class where all wanted to do it their way was like throwing yourself in a pit full of hungry alligators, ready to tear you to pieces… At first, I really tried my best to keep everyone in harmony (my rule was, no shouting unless it was called for) but that didn’t last very long for the assistant director. Conflicts between people who played vital roles in the play was heating up. People wanted to change the script, people wanted to do this, do that. I hated it. All meant well but people should have spoken up earlier. It was also really hard to get it fixed because everyone started taking sides. All of a sudden all the plans became tentative. At least the problem was resolved just in time for us to start working.

When I was younger, I would always shout and would always have my temper to it’s maximum in leading things like these. I mean, I would get things done in an instant, but then again, no one would step up against me. I was the boss and in a way, it was a lot better than having everyone wanting your position, which was happening during the senior year. I’ve learned (and I guess, I’ve matured) that shouting isn’t the solution to everything. You are talking to people and people have emotions. What’s the point of shouting at them all the time if what’s going to come out of your mouth won’t be any different if you say it in a nice manner? Another thing, people under you need to get the inspiration from you. If you shout at them, obviously, their esteem would drop and they would not have the enthusiasm to do their work.

Lets face it, the assistant director overshadowed me so much that there came a point that my teacher talked to me about it. I explained to my teacher and good enough, he took my points pretty well. My assistant director had a very, very strong character. He always had his temper to the maximum when dealing with people and he was very bad at taking suggestions, if he envisioned something, it’s hard for him to heed to other suggestions. His personality was very hard to control. I mean if I willed it, I would have told him to shut up or I would have argued with him and raised my voice every time he’d start at me. He told me that I was too nice and that I should start becoming strict, but studying the attitude of my class, when things are needed to be done seriously, they would follow, that’s if you’ve earned their respect. One more thing, I was hard to become strict with them and become a dictator if the assistant director was already doing that. I know he means good and that he wanted the best for the play, but he should have realized that there was also a time for him to heed to other suggestions, specially heed to mine at times. I don’t stoop to the level of having to shout at each other and the voice, which is louder, wins the argument. I reiterate, things can be done in a civilized way but having the same outcome. Don’t get me wrong though, shouting is not a bad thing when called for. When the noise is too much to control or when things aren’t done after several times of repeating yourself, feel free to do so. But in some cases, we all aren’t perfect after all, we lose our temper at times where it isn’t called for, then we must have the decency to apologize afterwards.
One thing I have learned throughout the whole experience; lead the people to the best of your ability, serve them with all you’ve got, but if you are faced with some, really hard to take hold of, don’t let them get in the way, but if they strike to the extent of affecting your leadership or even try to take hold of you, don’t hesitate to give tem a piece of your mind or even pick a fight with them, if you must.

Ria– thanks for taking charge of everything under your jurisdiction, I didn’t have to worry much about the props and the set. I trusted you so much. I marveled at your leadership especially when you had to stand up to Mack to keep quiet because he was already doing your job.

Chloe–thanks for being very diplomatic even to the extent of accepting the other script. I have so much respect for you. You truly are a leader. I salute you.

Joyce, Vicky, Bianca, Anna R., Maigi, Alexa, Egay, Neil, Melo,-thanks for investing so much time into what we were doing. Thank you for trusting me as your director. Thanks for believing.

Pauey – I know, during those days, you had your own problems,but still you did a great job! Thanks for your professionalism my ka-party… haha!

Anna O.–I know that you got pissed at me during the play… Misunderstandings on some matters led to holding grudges... but at the end of the day… sides were explained and at least things looked a lot better. Thanks for helping Ria with her job. Without you, things would have been a lot harder.

Mack- thanks for still deciding to stay on, especially after your verbal quarrel with some of our classmates. Despite our indifferences, it was very hard to work alone. Thanks for the reminders you gave me, that was all well taken. Thank you for not taking the squabbles too personal, it is all part of the game, a mark of a true professional.

To the rest of Sr. D–each one of you contributed to this… Be proud of it. Thank you for your trust.

My handwriting and I...

2005-07-09T16:22:00.000+08:00

Writing isn’t such a bad thing to do. You’re able to express your thoughts and feelings with just a pen and paper… but when you have a handwriting as beautiful as mine.. You might just consider jotting things down through means of technology, known to us as a computer.. hehe!

A lot of my teachers complain about my hand writing.. one teacher even told my mom that my grades got lower because they couldn't understand my handwriting. In Christian Living, after the test papers are given to us, I would always make sure that I read my essay to my teacher because I figured that she couldn’t understand three fourths of what I had written (true enough, I’d get 2-3 more points after reading it to her. Wahoo!). Just to show you how my teachers disliked my writing… I’ve scanned these various comments made my some of my 4th year teachers...

I guess it sucked to be my English teacher...

...when it came to reading essays! Haha! Poor them..

...they had to deal with that...

...hey, at least I follow instructions...hehe!

(It is all about sovereignty. True. History is reflected with stories of dethroning their own leaders. Good point. PLS. WRITE LEGEBLY NEXT TIME. Or at least leave some space for comments. )

I was tasked to write a paper for the debate club, particularly on how I saw the Iraq war. I was very pleased to read my moderator’s reaction on my paper. He agreed on how I was the war and how everything came about but still he took notice of my stupid hand writing... o well... life goes on, I guess...

Well.. same goes for my Filipino theme paper.My teacher absolutely hated my handwriting.

Oh.. in my math quizzes…this was how my “before-neat-test paper” turns out after a grueling exam in math … It seems like one of those mathematician’s quest to solve for the most challenging and complex equations… But I definately am no Einstein... :)

But at the end of the day… I should still be thankful that God has given me the ability to write…so every time someone comments on my handwriting, I just tell myself that there must be someone who writes worse than I do (probably a doctor.. there must be someone!!!) plus.. I know of someone who practically has the same handwriting as I do… At least I’m not alone :)

THANKS:

TO ALL MY SEATMATES - thank you so much for bearing with my "unique" handwriting. Thank you for having the patience to check my work... but most of all.. thank you for just putting a check mark when you can no longer decifer what I wrote (that's usually how I pass... hehe)

fun, fun, fun!

2005-06-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

The hard drive in my computer is already nearing its limit, so i have no choice but to delete the files I wont have any use of... mostly high school files I guess.. the projects I used to do.. the home works, tons and tons of research papers, all saved in word.. so here.. I took the time to share with you some of the memories for keeps :)

Sophomore year..

These pictures were taken from our math tabloid.. since I did the layout, I’ve got all the pictures and the right to post these in my blog.. I didn’t sleep for almost the a week just to make sure that the stupid tabloid was something worth submitting...but actually, my sister heped me A LOT…(she’s a graphic designer..hehe.. but don’t get me wrong…she just “TAUGHT” me how to do the things..) I even remember the night before the deadline (in my school, everybody loves to cram…rushing everything a day before submission is absolutely normal…hehe), the only thing my group mates were tasked to do was to come over and put the pieces together on the cartolina and our project was done… but only 1 out of 6 showed up. I was actually expecting my 2 group mates to follow… but NO.. when I called them .. they were in TIMEZONE.. so much for TEAM effort…haha!!! So here they are.. the two people I expected who, apparently, were having all fun in timezone..

This is Jonathan “Masa” Masigan.. his hair is just too updated man… haha! He actually looks thin here.. but now.. his head is like an oval ball.. its bald and his face gained A LOT of weight (deh.. joke!).. but don’t you mess around with this… uh.. “angelic face”.. haha.. he’s 6’2...

This next person.. Carlos (nice name).. a.k.a. “JC”…he was in timezone too.. So there, just look at the portions of his face “shine”.. The metallic braces, the bedazzled eyes..and not to forget.. his eye bags..I know it ain’t shiny ..but its weird.. even if he sleeps early and shit.. he still has it .. this has no connection whatsoever, but whenever he drinks, he doesn’t get drunk (well.. he claims to… hehe) and according to his mom.. all the liquor just gets accumulated in his eyebags... hehe

the art of photoshop… its char and ..uh I forgot her name… One of Char’s contribution to the project was to change the lyrics of the a pop song and turn the lyrics into a “math” song …

Junior year..

Teachers just love having students make complicated projects... well, this time, since making a tabloid was already one of our past projects, they made us do a magazine...so much of a change, huh?… from a tabloid to a magazine… a math magazine… since we had more freedom with what to put in the magazine, we experimented on various advertisements and really took a day of to have a “photo shoot”… The whole group was game, especially Tetet… the girl you’ll be seeing in almost all of the pictures… I hope some advertising agent comes across this entry, you’ll never know… TETET might just be the next big thing in print ads (hahaha!!)… I do hope she doesn’t kill me for this! :)

Remember the shampoo advertisement of KC Concepion? They were looking for 10 girls… Palmolive circle of 10… I think that was what it was called (I’m not even sure if Palmolive the correct brand!) …too bad for Tetet, she landed as the 11th girl.. better luck next time, Tet :) kidding!

Go tetet!

Flirt with the camera...

We have a day…

You contented with that shot na? are you sure?

In Menggay's words: "I LOOOOOOOVE IT!"

Move over Lea Salonga!

We were trying to copy the close up advertisement… but if you look at the pictures closely, the supposedly “sparkling light” on both their teeth was jus the sunlight passing through the window of the house… hahahahaha!!! I know it was a stupid idea… but what can you do?!… I just have limited knowledge using Photoshop… I just use the program for scanning pictures… beats me!!… Pre and Emil… the couple in the picture… have been dating since before… I’m not so sure if they’re still together eh… if they are… Good for them, If they’re not well... uh … sorry for posting these … I’m sure you guys had fun anyways …hehe :)

Oh yes…

Mr. And Mrs. Fernandez

Nice one! Intimacy… caught on cam!

Love ko ‘to! This was just an impromptu ad… Pre got guilty coz she arrived late na… so she bought us food from McDo… how ishweeeet… but still… she was late… really late… hehe! While we were eating, I (thanks to me…. Hay… hehehe! ) saw the potential of it being an ad… then It came out be as one of the better ads in the magazine… it looked real… except for … ehem… the guy in the middle… :)

just look at the guy in the center…

everything looks so real..

except…

for the guy in the middle…

some people just can’t pose to save their lives…

The plan was that the cloth you’re seeing in the background was actually suppose to be the “backdrop”… well… so much for covering the house… haha! We tried doing the “electric fan effect” on Tetet, but it looked more like she was having a really bad hair day, or worse… she just got out of a rape scene while eating sky flakes…

this turned out to be…

one of the…

biggest flops in print ad history …

My classmates:

My teachers:

hehehe!

2005-06-06T16:52:00.000+08:00

I finally took the intiative to clean my jungle-like room! Just a small part of it actually.. While going through my school bag, i thought of posting some things I found which caught my attention....

in my C.L. (Christian living) class.. I found my puberty test paper! I still can't believe that this was included in the test.. I love my CL teacher.. shes the funniest! She's not ashamed of talking about the unusuals.. hehe.. Shes the mom of my class :) *Karen Davila*.. oh yeah.. my teacher aspires to be an actess by the way.. so guys.. if you need someone to play a MATURE (you know what Im mean) role as lead or something.. just tell me, ill contact her for you.. lets help fulfill her dream of becoming a STAR :) she's the bomb!.. Miss Reyes.. you rock! If you're wondering why the name of karen davila is there…here

(Karen Davila, a reporter, did a story on one of my teachers for being the moderator of the electronics science thingy in school, which apparently won quite a number of awards but the story doesn’t revolve around that)

classmate: ..oi, si Karen Davila o.. nasa corridor!.. (almost everyone in the class rushes out to see a glimps of Ms. Davila )

classmate: patay, si miss reyes, parating na.. (everyone rushes inside the classroom, fearing that miss reyes will catch us outside of the classroom)

Miss Reyes: (enters)(the class well behaved, really for the prayer) SIT DOWN! Akala niyo ba hindi ko kayo nakita na nasa labas kayo ng classroom! Para kayong mga ibong nakawala sa haula! And when you saw me, para naman kayong mga laggam na nagsisipag pasukan! I want those who were outside to stand up… (no one stood up) wala?! Hoy.. hindi ako bulag! …do you want me to send you to the principals office?.. I said those who were outside a while ago, stand up.. you should be responsible for your actions.. (my classmates started standing up, including me)..* SERMON * SERMON *
* SERMON *.. who’s your class president? (I was standing right in front of her.. my arms going up slowly..)… stand on the platform, facing your classmates.. aba Mr. Villa, ang taas ng tingin ko sayo.. ngayon bumagsak, nagging negative pa!.. what are your dities as a president?

Mikki: uhmm…

Ms. Reyes: (ngongo) ano pa?!

Mikki:

Mikki: uhmm…

Ms. Reyes: (ngongo) ano pa?!

Mikki: uhmm…

Ms. Reyes: (ngongo) ano pa?!

Mikki: uhmm…

Ms. Reyes: (ngongo) ano pa?!

Mikki: uhmm…

Ms. Reyes: (ngongo) ano pa?!

Mikki: uhmm…

Ms. Reyes: (ngongo) ano pa?!

Mikki: to be an example

Ms. Reyes: ANO!?!??!?!

Mikki: to be an example

Ms. Reyes: hindi ko marinig..ANO?!?!?

Mikki: to be an example!!!!!

Ms. Reyes: isigaw mo.. so that your classmates can here you

Mikki: TO BE A N EXAMPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEE!!!!!!

Ms. Reyes: (eyes grew big) (looks at me, shocked.. probably she was shocked that I shouted that loud) it there anything you want to say in behalf of the class.

Mikki: Miss, it’s like this.. we didn’t want to disobey you.. we didn’t want you to get mad at us.. but this is what really happened.. when we all found out that a reported, Karen Davila, was walking along the corridor… we all got “star struck” and rushed outside to see a glimps of her.. But when we saw you, we realized that us being outside the classroom was wrong...so we all rushed in..

Ms. Reyes: (a change in aura) Nandito si Karen Davila?

Mikki: Yes miss!

Ms. Reyes: I want you to go to the principals office and tell him that WE want to speak to Karen Davila.. If we could invite her here to talk to the class * SMILE *

Mikki: Miss… ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?

Ms. Reyes: yes (thinks for a while).. never mind.. ako nalang ang pupunta

Class: (everyone stared cracking up!)

Ms. Reyes: wait for me here.. take charge mister president..

Mikki: Yes miss.. (teacher leaves)

Class: …ibang clase.. siya rin pala masastar struck.. haha!

Ms. Reyes: (returns) Wala naman eh..

Mikki: I swear, she’s here!

Ms. Reyes: Mr. Sagum (the principal) has a meeting..(thinks again).. do you know where she went?!

Class:..sa may coordinators office!

Ms. Reyes: Are you sure?

Class: (in chorus) YESSSS!

Ms. Reyes: okay.. mr. President, take over (leaves the classroom to go to the coordinators office)

Ms. Reyes: naka lock eh.. pero nakita niyo talaga siya?! I want her to talk to our class.. You know class.. we can learn things from her.. You can ask her questions.. teka lang.. sino ba dito ang may nga kilalang artista?

Class: bryan!!!.. bianca!!!… maigi!!!.. (blah blah)

Ms. Reyes: can we invite them over to our class?! kasi class.. we can learn a lot from thm.. at clas.. baka naman may kilala kayong kailangan ng matanda katuald ko?!.. sa mga movie? mga telenobela?! Nandito lang ako ...

(hahahaha!!! Miss Reyes>> CERTIFIED THE BOMB!!!!!!)

We were asked to make a tongue twister, which uses either alliteration or assonance (I still remember the lesson, galing KO!).. My seatmate, Joyce, and I were thinking of what to submit.. so we ended up submitting this…We were so confident that it was the bomb and all.. but out of our CARELESSNESS & exceeding confidence that people would have a hard time saying our tongue twister.. WRONG GRAMMAR pala! Hahaha! Lets saw If you guy would be able to spots the grammars that are wrongs.

My Filipino teacher has always been one of those respected by many. Undoubtedly one of the better teachers in my school. At first... all of us feared him.. All of us wanted to do good in his class, specially during presentations. The 1st presentation was absolutely NERVE RACKING!!! What’s reciting a piece in front of my class!? I’ve grown up with these people.. they’ve seen me fuck when I talk in front of them.. But with my Filipino teacher around… That’s a different story. He would be the type to make you stop in the middle if he didn’t like what he saw and heard. Being the last one in the class, I was so nervous, that while I was reciting my piece, instead of just reading it.. I ended up reading it as a declamation piece!! And to add to that, everyone started laughing because the folder where the piece was in was shaking like anything! Haha! But in the end.. it was all GOOD. hehe..

Still in Filipino.. I found a very intresting thing we did in this subject.. There was an activity, in line with the topic on surveys, that was quite.. different. We were asked to list down several topics / categories which my classmates filled out, it was quite challenging because we were all give a time limit to fill out all the categories in the list.. no one was allowed to fill out the same category and any form of erasure was considered a minus from the final score. this also showed how UNITED (hehe) our class was…those who finished early didn’t just sit down and wait for the others to finish.. they helped those who weren’t done yet.. ”bayanihan” at its best! The best part of the activity was when we found out that the activity we did was considered as a quiz.. and fortunately, everyone finished their work on time.

I got an 82 / 100 in the first diagnostic test.. we were said to have the HIGHEST averaging section (aside from the honor section of course ) to rank in the batch. Thanks to the ever-reliable ideas of my class.. Gameplan: We all clumped up our chairs in the center of the classroom before the teacher arrived because word got to us that Mr. Fridel, our French teacher, was going to give a SURPRISE diagnostic test … so we PREPARED for that test.. We put all those who were knowledgeable of the language at the back.. and all the rest changed place according to how fast relay the message to the front.. get the idea!? Just imagine Chinese whisper..

Oh, I don’t have graphics on this one but I find myself laughing every time I remember this: we pre-grouped for our last French project.. we were asked to discuss a given comic book.. the author, the story, the major and minor characters, etc. in English. but then, everyone started becoming busy, including myself, and we forgot all about the project.. Fortunately, someone in my group remembered and did half of the work. I got guilty and did the pasting and reporting together with my other group mate. Come French time, my friend and I started reading the report 5 minutes before the presentation.. WE were so shocked to find out that NOTHING ...ABOLUTLEY NOTHING made sense at all. I asked the one who researched on the comics and found out that she just copy pasted the French explanations to a site in the web which translates French to English... But then again, during French time, only the ones in the front row listen.. So I told my partner to just read it and pretend that we were confident and we understood everything we were saying! So my friend recited first… we couldn’t contain ourselves from laughing.. we just couldn’t succumb the non-sense that was coming out of our mouth!!! By the time my friend was about to finish, the teacher was getting pissed at us because we were just laughing... pity me.. The humiliation was just about to start.. the dialog went something like this :

Mr. Fredel: Mr. Villa and Ms. Pereche, why are you laughing? You want me to give you a minus?

Bianx and I: No sir.. We’ll stop laughing.. sorry..

Mikki: (whisper) Bianx, sit na so that I wouldn’t laugh that much na now that it’s my turn..

(bianca sits down)

Mikki: blah…blah.. blah.. the major characters.. Le Blah blah (I cant remember the specific word)

Mr. Fredel: Le What?

Mikki: Sir.. le blah blah..

Mr. Fredel: Do you know what that means?

Mikki: No, but I know that it’s a name of the character..

Mr. Fredel: No, that word means EXAMPLE…

Mikki: (snobs the teacher and continues reading)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A quiz just for you..

2005-06-06T16:48:00.000+08:00

Im really bored right now..
so i decided to make a Quiz for all of you!
Take my Quiz!
and then...
Check out the Scoreboard!

enjoy guys! :)

Uncertainty

2005-05-19T21:55:00.000+08:00

When we were still unaware of how cruel this world can really get.. When eyes were blinded by the nurture of those who stood by us in every LAPSE we made.. We all stood in awe of how PERFECT this world was. A world without worry, sacrifice, hatred, betrayal and all the other spitefulness we are to discover. In the eyes of a child, BRILLIANCE was made known to him as something very easy to come across.. Which, in the end, he is bound to realize that that is not how it all works.

Just when you think you know where you are about to go, think again. You can only be assured of what lies ahead, once you’re already there. A planned life is what everyone suggests, sure, but even that can go wrong. Even something you have set your life on can FAIL you. Or maybe yet, on a lighter note, what you are going to end up as is contrary to what you would like to foresee as your so-called “destiny” at this moment. Pessimism? I guess not. Just giving you a taste of what reality is all about.

Life’s uncertainties may have a negative connotation. Probably.Up to a certain extent, maybe. But instead of thinking to blame life for the things he may have done to put you in such misery, think again. Life CANNOT bend to your liking all the time, but YOU can work something out. Ones ability to be flexible and withstand whatever life throws would make it less of a living hell.